Doctor Who: The Final Lockdown

So, Emily Cook's lockdown extravaganza has come to a close, after a host of special stories and video events. I haven't talked about "The Descendants of Pompeii" or "The Zygon Isolation", which are really just little asides to bring some of the actors back for their respective episodes' watchalongs. It's the final two stories, written by the two previous showrunners in their last ever Doctor Who stories, honest, but I'll believe that when I don't see it.


"The Secret of Novice Hame" acts as a sequel to "Gridlock" from series three, released after the New Earth double-bill watchalong. It's a rather beautiful final memoir from Novice Hame, the redeemed Cat Person who cared for the Face of Boe, with Anna Hope reprising the role after thirteen years. Murray Gold is back to provide the music, and David Tennant lends his voice as the Doctor.

It's a sweet coda for a character who inhabits a world that's the most fairy tale RTD's Doctor Who ever got. There are all manner of races inhabiting New Earth now, five billion and a whack years in the future. My favourite element is Hame reminiscing about all the other Doctors she's bumped into over the years, men, women and animals. Maybe Paul Hanley's Silurian Doctor can exist after all. JuanMao's artwork is really lovely and absolutely matches the feel of it.

Placement: During the Doctor's fairwell tour in The End of Time.

"The Best of Days" is the last of the lockdown specials and would have gone out after the "World Enough and Time"/"The Doctors Falls" watchalong, except that was scrapped due to all the horror going on in the news. Perhaps the fridging of a black companion, however temporarily, wouldn't have been the right message right now. Still, the story itself is uplifting and topical, and I don't care what you say, Doctor Who is intrinsically political and you can't escape that. Of course Bill is going to talk about the pandemic and BLM marches, for crying out loud. Doctor Who exists in a sort-of parallel world where current events from the real world happen, but are usually overshadowed by fictional events. Real life is what carries on when the Doctor's away.

I love the idea that Nardole and Bill kept in touch after the Doctor vanished into the Vortex, with Bill living her long afterlife with Heather (even if they are on a break) and getting back to some normality after seeing the stars together. Hearing that things are pretty quiet near her is funny though. Bill's uni was in Bristol, and the story was released shortly below the protesters there righteously tore down Edward Colston's statue and dumped it in the harbour.

And that woman with beautiful eyes who Bill has a crush on - she has to be the Thirteenth Doctor, right?

Placement: After "The Doctor Falls" for Bill and Nardole. After "The Ghost Monument" for the Doctor?

LOCKDOWN - Doctors Assemble!

This one is right on the cusp of being a Fans Who review. Naturally, a complete multi-Doctor extravaganza like this is going to need some impersonators, but this is almost all impersonators. Two of them - Jacob Dudman, who does the Eleventh Doctor (perfectly) and Jon Culshaw (who does the Third, Fourth and Fifth Doctors) - have performed as stand-in Doctors for Big Finish. Other than that, the only bona fide Doctor is David Bradley, who's the third First Doctor on the TV series, and since he was cast for his physical resemblance to Hartnell, he actually sounds the least like the original Doctor. Bradley's involved, of course, because this is a semi-anniversary show to tie-in with the watch-along of An Adventure in Space and Time. Did they try to get any more "real" Doctors? We know at least some of them would be up for it.

But still, this is great. The most ambitious of the Lockdown stories so far, organised by Emily Cook, with fourteen Doctors all chatting at each other in the TARDIS. At fifteen minutes, there's barely a plot, but that's not the point. This is tremendous fun. Everything from the recycled classic lines to the brilliant profile pics for each Doctor. The empty shelves of toilet paper behind the War Doctor is just hilarious. "No more," indeed. Some of the impressions are better than others, but they're all good enough to sell it. Other than the semi-official guys, Chris Walker-Thomson's Second Doctor and Jonathon Carley's War Doctor are probably the best, but everyone makes a good Doctor. James Goss knows how to write a funny Who story, and this is right up his street. Just lovely.

Watch it here and enjoy!

Lockdown ramblings

I think the above is rather beautiful. All the living Doctors (well, nearly) together to praise the doctors and carers and medical supporters of the UK. Matt Smith has a very nice house, I like that Colin Baker's wearing a Thirteenth Doctor T-shirt, and if anyone wants to bitch about Jodie Whittaker and Jo Martin being on there, they can fuck off. It's a pity Eccleston didn't do it, especially as he's such a vocal NHS supporter, but there's a lot of complications between him and the BBC so better not go there. Tom Baker is OK! Although he's looking so old now. David Bradley is missing too, although you can watch him on season two of After Life, if you don't mind crying your bloody eyes out.

It's a good, important message. I've not been joining in with the raucous applause and saucepan rattling, mainly because it winds the dog the hell up as it is, but I totally support people celebrating the NHS like that. I support the idea of Comic Relief and Children in Need coming together (which isn't that big a deal, they're both run by the BBC) to raise money in an impromptu event, to support those in particular need right now. Even though there's still the sour taste left by people in luxurious mansions telling us flat-dwellers "we're all in this together" and the super-rich asking that we delve into our pockets to donate. Stephen Fry and Prince William had better have coughed up some serious money.

That's the problem. With every glorious coming together like this, I can't silence my cynical side. (Which is, you know, my main side. It's probably three sides out of four, like a grumpy rhombus.) The Big Night In event wasn't to raise money for the NHS per se, but that's the unspoken understanding. I'm not going to go into the government's response to the pandemic in much detail, there were mistakes but I think it's been largely sensible except for the baffling refusal to engage with the EU over ventilator supplies. However, having spent ten years systematically defunding the NHS, then making all foreign-born doctors and nurses feel unwelcome in our country, clapping for them seems a bit offensive. The NHS isn't perrfect, but we're lucky to have it, and it's been so utterly shafted by the Conservative government that it's barely able to cope with the normal level of healthcare needed.

No we have old men and women raising money for it, and doing incredibly well. It's amazing that they've achieved that, and if anyone wants to give extra to the NHS, good for them. But the NHS is not a charity, it is a national organisation that is paid for by taxation. We have already paid for the NHS, only to see funds diverted and the organisation eviscerated. This is a clear step along the path to the NHS becoming a private organisation supported by donations, and that is appalling.

Meanwhile, we have tax dodgers like Gary Barlow asking us to donate to national causes, and the Prime Minister, among others who voted against a rise in nurses' pay, clapping the workers they've deliberately harmed. It's sickening.

Please come together and celebrate, and give what you can. But don't believe it when we're told we're all in this together.