CAPTAIN'S BLOG: TOS 2-23 & 2-24

TOS 2-23) Patterns of Force
or
Captain Kirk vs. Space Nazis

The Mission: Find missing Federation observer, John Gill, on the planet Ekos.

Planets visited: Ekos, the inner of two habitable planets in star system M43-Alpha. A very Earth-like planet.

Alien life forms: The Ekosians and Zeons  are two humanoid races who inhabit the planets Ekos and Zeon respectively. They seem to be indistinguishable from humans, and from each other. The Zeons are technologically more advanced than the Ekosians, and a number of them arrived on Ekos some years ago in an attempt to "civilise" them. The Ekosians did not welcome the Zeons, and treat them as second-class citizens. Since Gill came to power, the Ekosians have been run as a Nazi state, unaware that Gill is from another world. The Zeons are being rounded up and exterminated, but there is a resistance movement.

Future History: John Gill is considered one of the Federation's greatest historians. Sent to Ekos merely to observe the culture, he has perverted it into a replica of Nazi Germany, right down to the uniforms and weaponry. While Gill sits as Fuhrer, it;s his right-hand man Melakon who wields power, keeping Gill drugged and subdued and communicating his wishes through soundbites. "Gill" has now ordered the "Final Decision," an attack on the planet Zeon and the complete extermination of the Zeon race. Just in case any of this was too subtle, the Zeons all have Hebrew-derived names, like Isak and Abrom.

Future Treknology: The Zeons have quite primitive interplanetary craft. Gill (and perhaps the Zeons, to begin with) has evidently pushed Ekosian technology forward, as they now have nuclear weaponry and the beginnings of space travel themselves.

Kirk and Spock have transponders injected into their skin to allow them to be beamed up should they not report in. An extremely wise precaution that they really should have used as standard. However, they dig out the implants to use the rubidium crystals within to create a laser beam from the lightbulb in their cell in order to affect escape.

Captain James T: Gill tutored him at the Academy. He evidently admires the man, describing him as "gentle," but even Kirk isn't immune to the allure of a well-tailored Gestapo uniform. For once, Kirk doesn't try to shag the sexy blonde he's assigned to work with. He could easily get the Enterprise to intercept the Ekosian warfleet but refuses to go down such a destructive route.

Green-Blooded Hobgoblin: How perfect does Spock look in his beanie? Spock's alien appearance draws attention from the xenophobic Ekosian authorities, even with his cunning beanie disguise. (The fact that Nimoy is Jewish makes these scenes rather more potent than they might otherwise be.) When Spock stands on Kirk to begin his escape attempt, it looks for all the world like he is taking as long as possible on purpose. He also starts to enjoy "gambling" with his life. Spock's lash-marks are, of course, green. He uses the nerve pinch no fewer than three times, and "mind probes" Gill.

The Real McCoy: The entire set-up is worth for when Bones beams down in SS uniform, demanding to know what the hell is going on.


Shirtless Kirk Alert: It's a twofer, as both Kirk and Spock get their tops off. And whipped. This is bordering on slash fic.

Trek Stars: Valora Norland plays Daras, femme fatale who poses as a high-ranking Nazi but is secretly part of the resistance. She gives an excellent performance and isn't reduced to Kirk's fox of the week.

Space Bilge: Kirk and Spock consider the odds of a parallel society like this developing of its own accord virtually impossible. This is after previously visiting space Rome and a perfect duplicate of Earth.

Quote, Unquote: "To the logical mind, the outlook is somewhat gloomy."

The verdict: A good, old-fashioned "Nazis in America" tale, and about as subtle as they ever get. The script twists itself into a propaganda piece for the Prime Directive, when the actual lesson is the far from surprising "Nazism is bad." Still, it works well, with some excellent costumes brought out from the archives so it looks more expensive than it actually is. There's another side to this beneath the surface, with both Nimoy and Shatner being from Jewish backgrounds. With Nazi elements becoming more prevalent in the US and even dominant parts of society sliding towards that way of thinking, "Patterns of Force" takes on a new edge. Gill isn't as bad as Trump.

CAPTAIN'S BLOG: TOS 2-22

TOS 2-22) Return to Tomorrow
or
Captain Kirk vs. Space Ghosts

I think the episode order's gone wonky somewhere along the line, but here goes another episode!

The Mission: Explore the far reaches of unexplored space and answer that mysterious signal...

Planets visited: Unnamed in the broadcast episode, the planet is named Arret in the script (which is, of course, Terra backwards). Class-M once, it's had its atmosphere ripped away leaving it desolate and uninhabitable. It's significantly older than Earth. The only area with an atmosphere is deep below the surface. It lies in a system three weeks' signal time from Starfleet.

Alien life forms: Sargon and his people once had a great and advanced civilisation, but destroyed themselves in war after they began to think of themselves as gods. They were originally humanoid, but when their bodies died, the last three of them - Sargon, Henoch and Thalassa - stored their minds in orbs below the planet's surface. Sargon stayed awake for the last half million years, sending out his thoughts to try to find someone else in the universe. Sargon and his lot are basically ghosts; he even says he is "as dead as my planet." They need bodies to rebuild their lives and ask to borrow the crew's bodies so that they can build new android frames, but the human form isn't capable of maintaining their minds for long without burning out.

Six thousand centuries ago, the Arretians began colonising the galaxy. Sargon thinks they may have been the ancestors of humans and Vulcans. While this is dismissed by the human representatives, Spock says that it would explain some holes in Vulcan prehistory.

Captain James T: Kirk risks the potential dangers of beaming into a planet to make contact with the source of the psychic signal. He also seems surprisingly keen to let Sargon borrow his body, making a big speech about how "risk is our business," even though it's pretty clear that it will go horrendously wrong. He says he'll only go head if it's a unanimous decision, but then talks everyone round with some flair. He's convinced that the Arretians will propel humanity ten thousand years into the future. He ends up dead, but gets better.

Captain James T:  Sargon is a noble, idealistic individual, still in love with his wife, Thalassa. He's clearly used to his orders being obeyed, but swears he will let the Enterprise go free if Kirk and his colleagues are against the idea. Shatner reaches new levels of thespian intensity as Sargon.

Green-Blooded Hobgoblin: Spock is keen to explore the ancient civilisation below the planet's surface. His body is more capable of supporting the alien energy forms than the pure humans'. He is able to hide his mind in Chapel's body to help give Henoch the runaround, perhaps giving a look ahead to The Search for Spock. Nimoy is absolutely brilliant at playing a completely new character.

Green-Blooded Hobgoblin:  Henoch is an out-and-out villain from the get-go. He's flirtatious, arrogant and excitable. He uses his powers, enhanced by Spock's own telepathy, to take control of Chapel so that she sabotages Kirk/Sargon's medication so that his body will fail and he can take over. He turns Thalassa against him and basically sounds like he wants to rule the galaxy.

The Real McCoy: Bones is, understandably, frightened of being through miles of solid rock. He's also the voice of reason here, pointing out that allowing unknown aliens to borrow your body is clearly insane and that it's just a little concerning that they've demanded the captain and the first officer. Beneath all that, he feels it's just indecent.

Great Scott: Initially against the bodyswap idea, Scotty is the most swayed by the promise of technology. Kirk promises him a starship engine no bigger than a walnut. James Doohan also provides the booming voice of Sargon (he'll be doing a lot more of this sort of thing in the animated series).

Future Treknology: The aliens create android bodies that use blobs of jelly to perform bodily functions, but will be far more limited than human bodies.

Trek Stars: Diana Muldaur plays one-off character Dr. Ann Mulhall, and her possessor, Thalassa. Mulhall is an astrobiologist, so it's a bit of a surprise she isn't seen before or since.As a lieutenant commander, Mulhall is the highest ranking female Starfleet officer seen in the original series. Muldaur makes a slight character very memorable, and is equally good as the corrupted Thalassa. She'll be back in the following season as Miranda Jones, and throughout the second season of The Next Generation as Dr. Pulaski.

Sexy Trek: As soon as Mulhall arrives, there's romantic music. Thalassa and Sargon get it on in Mulhall's and Kirk's bodies. Henoch, in Spock's body, flirts like hell with Chapel, before hypnotising her.

Cliche Count: Averted when the redshirts are left behind on the transporter pad.

The Verdict: If you accept the conceit of the crew being utterly idiotic, this is a strong episode with a great performance from Leonard Nimoy, getting to be a villain and clearly having a whale of a time.

CAPTAIN'S BLOG: TOS 2.20 - 2.21

This year is the fiftieth anniversary of the launch Star Trek, with the 1966 broadcast of "The Man Trap." With that in mind, it seems about time I got back on the Captain's Blog and finished my run down of season two of the original series, before moving onto season three. I'll roughly alternate these with Dandy's Space Blog while I finish that too.

2-20) The Ultimate Computer
or
Captain Kirk vs. Workplace Irrelevancy

The Mission: Test out the new M-5 computer, capable of running a starship with a minimum crew complement.

Planets visited: None, although the tests take part in orbit of Alpha Carinae II, an Earthlike planet. Alpha Carinae is a real star system, about 300 light years away. In actuality a red supergiant, Alpha Carinae, also known as Canopus and Suhail, is the second brightest star in the sky.

Captain James T: Isn't happy to be summoned to a Starfleet space station without prior explanation. He's even less happy when his friend, Commodore Bob Wesley, informs him the Enterprise will be testing out the new M-5 computer. Kirk expresses severe anxiety at the concept he will be rendered obsolete by the computer, and, not for the first time, wishes he were living an old fashioned captain's life at sea. He doesn't want to lose his command (or the prestige) to a computer. His confidence in Wesley means that he knows he won't destroy the Enterprise even when it looks like the only way to stop the attacks.

Green-Blooded Hobgoblin: He holds an A7 computer expertise diploma and holds Daystrom i the highest esteem. Of everyone, Spock unsurprisingly has the most sympathy for Daystrom and the idea that a computer could be the best at running a starship.

The Real McCoy: Bones instinctively distrusts the M-5 and has the feeling it is wrong in its decisions before any errors come about. It's almost a Spidey-sense sort of thing. As is often the case, he prescribes himself and Kirk a strong liquor to help with the stressful situation.

Killer Computer: The M-5 is the first multitronic computer, a new generation of computers created by Professor Daystrom. The M-5 has a certain human-like capacity for thought, which Daystrom created by using his own brain engrams (which was undoubtedly a very bad idea). The M-5 is designed to take full control of a starship, running it with a minimal crew of twenty essential personnel. The captain is not considered essential, with the computer making the command decisions. Unfortunately, both man and machine are completely mad. Given the task of showing off its capabilities in war games against four other Constitution-class starships, the M-5 puts its own self-preservation above all else, and fails to distinguish between the games and real threat. It first destroys a robotic ore carrier, the Woden, and then kills several hundred people when it attacks the USS Excalibur. It drains the Enterprise's power to improve its performance, cuts itself off and places a forcefield around itself. It even kills a crewman who tries to shut it off. Eventually, Kirk convinces it to self-destruct by getting it to admit to murder and therefore execute itself (presumably, the idea that murder is "a crime against the laws of Man and God" comes from Daystrom's own psyche).

Future History: Spock mentions that there's no technology that can replace a starship's chief medical officer. A hundred-odd years after this, in the time of Star Trek: Voyager, that will no longer be the case.

Dr, Richard Daystrom is considered a genius in his time, on a par with Einstein. He's also a dangerous obsessive. At 24, he invented the duotronic computers that run starships, which won him the Nobel and Zee-Magnees prizes. In spite of the ignoble end of his career, the Daystrom Institute and Daystrom Award are named after him (and presumably the Daystrom Conference in the alternative reality of Star Trek Into Darkness).

The four starships that go up against the Enterprise are the Hood, the Potemkin, the Lexington and the Excalibur.

Finagle's Folly is a green cocktail "known from here to Orion."

Trek Stars: William Marshall is excellent as Richard Daystrom. He's best recognised as Blacula, but had a huge and varied career involving directing and opera singing, for which he deserves to be remembered.

Cliche Counter: This is the fourth time that Kirk has talked a computer to death, after the previous occasions in "The Changeling," "Return of the Archons" and "I, Mudd."

Remastery: There is significant new CG model work in this episode, replacing reused footage used for the Woden, the Constitution-class ships involved in the war games, the space station and Alpha Carinae II with new images.

The Verdict: A strong episode with a good central theme. Kirk's fear of being replaced in his job by a machine is more relevant today than ever and is a better use of a villainous computer than the usual "computers are scary!" high jinks. It's great that Daystrom, the greatest genius of the age, is an African, even if he does suffer a complete breakdown and essentially reverts to villain of the piece. It's also good, as always, to see more of Starfleet, and Enterprise's place within it.

CAPTAIN'S BLOG: TOS 2-18 - 2-19

2.18) The Immunity Syndrome

or

Captain Kirk vs. the Space Amoeba

The Mission: Investigate the loss of communications with the starship Intrepid and solar system Gamma 7a.

Planets visited: None

Space Phenomena: The Enterprise encounters a zone of darkness, a sort of hole in space, a black spot that is not solid, liquid or gas, nor a dust cloud or nebula. It's a region composed of some kind of energy entirely anthithetical to the energy that exists in ordinary life. The Enterprise launches a telemetry probe, which is blasted with noise before ceasing to function. Even at 100,000 km, the zone starts to drain the crew's energy, first making them inordinately tired before causing the more susceptible members to slip into comas. When the ship is swalloed up, all the stars vanish from view. Within the zone, all actions by the ship operate in reverse; to try to reverse away, the Enterprise has to thrust forward.

Alien life forms:

The Space Amoeba: At the centre of the zone is the creature, a gigantic single-celled organism comprised of protoplasm, 11,000 by 3000 miles across. It's a huge, red, gelatinous blob, constantly shifting in form. Emitting a field of negative energy, it drains the life force of everything in its vicinity, including the crew of the Intrepid and the billions of inhabitants of system Gamma 7a. What's worse, it's preparing to reproduce by fission.

Vulcans: The Intrepid is manned solely by Vulcans (so mixed species crews are probably quite unusual in this period). Since the physics of the dark zone operated contrary to logic, the Vulcans were unable to conceive of what was happening to them, and were wholly unprepared to escape. According to Spock, Vulcan memory goes centuries and cannot recall a conqueror.

Captain James T: He sounds absolutely knackered even before all this crap starts. We never find out what mission they've just come from, but it was clearly exhausting. Kirk's looking forward to a nice bit of R&R at Starbase 6. The Starbase instead sends him on this mission, and he's not exactly happy about it. When it comes to investigating the creature, Kirk of course insists he go in, even though he is the least qualified. He's pretty unfair to Spock, bitching when he doesn't have sufficient data to tell him exactly what's going on. He'd be completely lost without him. He's torn up over the decision to send one of his closest friends to their likely death. It's Kirk who eventually conceives of killing the alien using antimatter.

Green-Blooded Hobgoblin: Spock feels the death of the crew of the Intrepid, a psychic episode in which he is overwhelmed by the death of four hundred Vulcans. He's hugely critical of human attitudes to death compared to Vulcans'. Both Spock and Bones volunteer to investigate the amoeba; Spock wins out in the end because of his physiological and emotional strengths. Plus, he has a personal stake, after dealing with the deaths of all those Vulcans. He's ready to sacrifice himself, but in his determination finds a way for the Enterprise to destory it. When he thinks he's going to die, he makes a log leaving everything to the crew.

The Real McCoy: Bones has the medical knowledge to explore the alien, and he's dying to explore this unknown creature. He considers it the greatest experiment ever. He hypothesises that humanity's purpose in the universe is to act as antibodies against these alien infections. There's a ridiculous rivalry between Bones and Spock, but at the end of the day, they have great respect for each other. Spock thinks McCoy has a martyr complex, however.

Space Bilge: Space Amoeba Drinking Game: take a shot every time a character says “penetrate.” This can also be played with most Next Generation episodes. (Yes, we're puerile.)

The Verdict: A classic science fiction story, with a great, tense build up. We don't see the monster until twenty minutes into the episode. The effects for the alien are amazing, especially in the original version. It's also a great episode for the central team of Kirk, Spock and McCoy, their individual strengths and weaknesses coming together to save the ship.

CAPTAIN'S BLOG: TOS 2-16 - 2-17

2.16) The Gamesters of Triskelion

or

Captain Kirk vs. Gladiators

The Mission: Check up on an automated station/track down the missing away team.

Planets visited:

Gamma 2: A barren, uninhabited planetoid that is the location of an unmanned communications and navigations station. In the remastered version it has a ring.

Triskelion: A planet in the treble star system M24-Alpha, 11.6 light years from Gamma 2. There was once a civilisation there, but now it's fallen into ruin.

Alien life forms:

The Providers: The remaining natives of Triskelion. There's only three of them left and they've been reduced to brains in jars. Very colourful brains in jars, at that. Once they had physical forms, and so on and so forth, heard it all before. Now they entertain themselves by betting their hard-earned quatloos on the thrall fights.

Drill thralls: Various humanoids captured from all over the Galaxy. They include: Shahna, a green-haired lady in a skimpy silver bikini who looks like Lady Gaga; Kloog, a big, hulking brute with tusks (who might be a Kalar from Rigel 7, as seen in “The Cage,); Lars, a statuesque rapist; Tamoon, a yellow-skinned tart with a manly voice; an Andorian and a black guy who gets used as training fodder. They're all controlled by Galt, a scary-ass wizard in an impressive collar. At the end of this, they win their right to self-government; which should be fairly straightforward, as there's only about twelve of them on the entire planet.

Captain James T: Sounds painfully bored at his check-up mission and genuinely cheers up when his transporter beam is zapped across space to Triskelion. His enthusiasm soon gives way to anger at the treatment of his crew (particularly Uhura) and the thralls. Kirk is such a charmer he manages to completley sway Shahna with some smooth-talking and a smooch – before punching her lights out. He bets his entire crew's freedom against those of the thralls, never stopping to consider whether he has the right to do so. Shatner's performance reaches new levels of intensity in this episode.

Shirtless Kirk Alert: Practically the whole bloody episode.

Green-Blooded Hobgoblin: Completely dismissive of Scotty when he says there was no malfunction on his end when the transporter beam is zapped across space. He maintains a stolidly logical apraoch to searching for his lost crewmates and almost sounds excited at the discovery of an ion trail.

The Real McCoy: Loses his temper at Spock, but soon calms himself down.

United States of Africa: Having Uhura point out the parallels between the Providers activities and the slavery on Earth is a fine approach. There's also no way around it: Lars attempts to rape Uhura, albeit off screen. It's a really upsetting scene, nonetheless. Uhura remains strong throughout the episode, though, refusing to victimise fellow slaves. She's definitely the best thing about the episode.

Tsar of all the Russias: He's a cocky little sod in this episode, until he comes face to face with his drill thrall – a yellow woman Tamoon, who really fancies him.

Great Scott: Scotty gets riled up by Spock's calm approach and is egged on by McCoy, before Spock reminds him of his place.

Trivia facts: This episode was parodied in The Simpsons in the episode “Deep Space Homer,” where Homer fought Barney for quatloos. That was better sci-fi than this, too.

The Verdict: Trek at its campest and silliest, marred by excessive amounts of violence against women. It looks like this is trying to make some point about slavery and human bloodsports, but it's lost in all the daffiness. The final scene is incredibly corny.

CAPTAIN'S BLOG: TOS 2.15

Oh, yes...

2.15) The Trouble with Tribbles

or

Captain Kirk vs. Fluff

The Mission: Protect a vital shipment of grain called quadrotriticale bound for colonists on Sherman's Planet, which will be ceded to either the Federation or the Klingon Empire depending on who manages it best.

Planets visited: None. The action takes place on Space Station K-7.

Captain James T: On great form here. I love how he's spoiling for a fight when he gets to K-7, and seems genuinely disappointed that the Klingons ahven't attacked and that he's just been called in to guard some grain. Once more, he's at odds with the local official, Mr Baris (William Schallert). He seems to be the only person who's never heard of quadrotriticale. He and the Klingon captain, Koloth, have crossed paths before.

Gree-Blooded Hobgoblin: For a logical Vulcan, he's really got the put-downs and quips nailed now. Deadpan delivery, of course. Whatever he claims, he likes tribbles.

The Real McCoy: Fascinated by the tribbles' biology. I've never seen him so excited without a woman nearby. He doesn't seem to know the difference between bisexual, asexual and hermaphroditic, though.

Tsar of all the Russias: Seriously has a complex about making Russia seem important. Given that he's on a fricking space station, you'd think a mention of Gagarin might be obvious, instead of making up shit about scotch being invented by “a little old lady in Leningrad.” Drinks wodka. Almost strikes a Klingon when he insults Kirk.

Great Scott: Thinks that vodka is a soda pop drink. He's very collected here, calming Chekov down when he's riled by Korax's insults.. until he insults the Enterprise, when he goes off on one and smacks the guy. Judging by his “no tribble at all” line, he has a very similar sense of humour to me. James Doohan did his own fight stunts.

United States of Africa: Uhura is a soft touch. It takes Cyrano Jones about three minutes to talk her into buying a tribble.

Alien life forms:

Klingons: Looking more like humans in light make-up than ever. So much so that it's really quite funny when the Deep Space Nine sequel mentions that their spy, Arne Darvin, must have had a good surgeon. All these Klingons need to pass as human is a quick shave. They hate tribbles (the feeling is mutual). They've poisoned the grain to disrupt the Federation's plans for Sherman's Planet. Klingons speak Klingonese.

Tribbles: Fuzzy balls of fluff that make pleasant chirrupping noises and everyone (except the Klingons) just thinks are so damned cute. They eat voraciously and reproduce extremely rapidly; they are self-fertilising hermaphrodites and are born pregnant. They have no teeth, so how they eat all that grain remains a mystery. They make excellent Klingon detectors.

Regulan bloodworms and Denebian Slime Devils: aren't very nice things to be called.

Future History: Sherman's Planet was discovered by astronomer John Burke, of the Royal Academy in “old Britain” in 2067. The planet's governance is decided on the terms of the Organian Peace Treaty (a nice bit of continuity with the previous Klingon episode, “Errand of Mercy”).

Trek Stars: Koloth is played by William Campbell, who previously played the alien Trelane in “The Squire of Gothos.” He's the cheekiest Klingon ever. Campbell returned to the role – in full Klingon make-up – in the Deep Space Nine episode “Blood Oath.” Stanley Adams is pretty fabulous as galactic rogue trader Cyrano Jones.

Cliché counter: Kirk rubs a bureaucrat up the wrong way. Chekov drops some nonsense about something being discovered by a Russian. There's a great big fight, comedy music every two minutes and it ends with a joke and a big laugh from the main cast. But at least this episode is actually funny, so it feels right for once.

Things to Come: This episode was popular enough to spark two sequels: “More Tribbles, More Troubles,” in the Animated Series, and “Trials and Tribble-ations” in Deep Space Nine, the latter being the 30^th anniversary episode which brilliantly spliced the current cast into the original footage. Tribbles will show up as set dressing in Enterprise and several movies, up to and including Star Trek Into Darkness.

The Verdict: There's a reason this is a fan favourite. A Star Trek comedy that's genuinely funny, this is great fun from start to finish. The cast are basically parodying themselves throughout, but it's in keeping with the atmosphere of this great little story. Kirk buried under a mound of tribbles is a wonderful image. No wonder they chose this one to rework for the 30^th anniversary. The should have snuck Sisko into the back of a shot when they were remastering it.

CAPTAIN'S BLOG: TOS 2.13-2.14

It's back! Let's get the second season of the original series completed, then we'll see what else we fancy. Possibly Enterprise. Possibly Space Dandy.

2.13) Obsession

or

Captain Kirk vs. the Monster from his Past

The Mission: Survey planet Argus X. Rendesvouz with the Yorktown in order to transfer vaccines to planet Beta VII.

Planets visited:

Argus X: A craggy planet with some plantlife, rich in tritanium (twenty times as hard as diamond, dontchano). It's a thousand light years from...

Tycho IV: Seemingly uninhabited, except for the cloud monster. It returns there to reproduce.

Alien Life forms:

The Cloud Monster: When you can't afford an alien, use a cloud. The alien appears as nothing more than a big cloud of dry ice. It's composed of dikironium, which should only exist in the lab. It's surprising, in that case, that the tricorders can even scan for it, and the life form does not immediately register. It can change its state and structure, hiding from scans. It can travel at high warp speed, travelling thousands of light years, using gravitational fields to propel itself. Oh, and it's a vampire! It drains the body of red corpuscles, which is good and scary although it does make you wonder how the hell it could have evolved in the first place. And it smells of honey.

Captain James T: For a moment, he appears paranoid, immediately reacting to a familiar smell as if it means his old enemy is present. He's right though, although he's needlessly mysterious about everything. He puts tracking down the creature ahead of his mission to get the vaccines to the Yorktown, ignoring communication from Starfleet. He's seriously gung-ho in this episode; we haven't really seen him like this before.

Eleven years ago, Kirk encountered the alien while he served on the USS Farragut. He's convinced it's intelligent. He's extremely hard on the one surviving security officer for not taking the creature down with his phaser – the son of his old captain, Garrovik. He blames himself for the death of his old captain, for freezing just like the younger Garrovik. He becomes increasingly obsessed and irrational as time passes.

Green-Blooded Hobgoblin: He's handy to have around when you need some reading done, since he can get ten hours worth done in a few hours. He accepts that the alien is intelligent once confronted with its actions. He goes to cheer up Garrovik, telling not to blame himself for being a foolish, instinctive human. He's not harmed by the alien – it can't eat his copper-based blood cells.

The Real McCoy: Both he and Spock decide that Kirk's behaviour has become irrational, and move to have him declared unfit for duty – unless he makes his actions clear. He stands up to Kirk against his monster hunt once the creature gets on board. He apologises, though, even though he's actually in the right; the alien would never have attacked the ship if Kirk hadn't chased it.

Future Treknology: An antimatter bomb, containing only an ounce of antimatter, is enough to blow a hole in a planet.

Cliche Count: It's yet another Moby Dick tale, not long after the last one. There'll be a few of these over the years. Four redshirts die on the planet, and at least one other crewman bites it on the ship.

The Verdict: The second episode in a row that deals with Kirk's competence being questioned, but considerably better done than the previous. It's pretty obvious that the alien will turn out to be immune to phasers, making both Kirk's and Garrovik's guilt unecessary. Kirk's belief that it's the very same creature that he encountered before is never proven; there could be a whole species of these things out there. Nurse Chapel gets some nice moments, which is needed in this rather butch episode.

CAPTAIN'S BLOG: TOS 2.11-2.12

Bones was unimpressed with Spock's Christmas tree attempt.

2.11) Friday's Child

or

Captain Kirk vs. Female Oppression

The Mission: Secure mining rights for the rare mineral topaline, vital for life support systems, on Capella IV.

Planets visited: Capella IV, a standard Earthlike planet.

Stellar Cartography: Capella, or Alpha Aurigae, is a star system forty-two light years away. It's actually a quadruple system, made up of a binary pair of red giants and another pair of red dwarfs gravitationally bound. Which would likely make for a more interesting planet than we see here.

Alien life forms:

Capellans: Capellans over seven feet tall are not unusual (not that you'd guess that from the specimens we see in the episode). They're basic humanoids in coloruful clothes, with big shoes and tall hats to make them look taller. Some thought has gone into their culture, though. They're aggressively patriarchal, with women and children considered little more than property of the ranking males. Their society is split into the Ten Tribes, each ruled by a Teer (te-er). If a man touches a teer's wife, he is killed. If another teer takes over, he kills the old teer's wife and child. What a bunch of bastards.

Klingons: Naturally, the Klingons are also after mining rights, although they are just as likely to invade the place if they don't get what they want. The Capellans are far more likely to side with the Klingons, who are almost as big a bunch of arseholes as them. The Klingon agent, Kras, is pretty much the smallest Klingon we've ever seen. Helps the Capellans look taller, I guess.

Captain James T: He's cut up with guilt over his redshirt man's death. The guilt's really geting to him, now, isn't it? No wonder he always insists on going on landing parties himself. He ends up with a death sentence on his head for touching the teer's wife, Ele'en. He's pretty awesome in the fight against Kras, although his attempt to get one up on the Capellan rebels does have the side effect of introducing them to the bow and arrow, which this proud warrior culture somehow never developed.

Green-Blooded Hobgoblin: Totally uneasy when handling a baby. He's unsually snippy in this episode, and is thoroughly irritated by Kirk and McCoy's glee at Ele'en's naming her baby after them.

The Real McCoy: Some good background and characterisation for Bones here. He gets to be the one dispensing the advice for once, since he visited Capella years earlier and is familiar with their taboos. Nonetheless, he puts his duty as a doctor ahead of the risk to his life, and tends to the pregnant Ele'en's health despite it marking him out for execution. Ele'en is so impressed with him, she accepts him as the baby's new father. McCoy tries to convince Ele'en of her own worth, even though he's fighting a losing battle against centuries of mysoginistic culture.

Great Scott: Left in charge of the Enterprise, he elects to help a distressed ship, knowing it may very well be a Klingon ruse. He doesn't fall for the same trick twice, and gets back to Capella to lead a daring rescue of Kirk and co.

Cliche Count: There's a redshirt death within about thirty seconds of beaming down. We're back at Vasquez Rocks, and it's one of the best and most extensive uses of the location. Chekov starts his claims that everything of interest anyone may bring up was invented in Russia. Bones says to Spock, “I'm a doctor, not an escalator!” Which is certainly one of his more eccentric ones.

The Alternative Factor: This episode has had a major impact on the novel line, for some reason. The battle for Capella is seen in Invasion! First Strike, while an elderly Admiral Leonard James Akaar is a recurring character in the DS9 novels. James Blish's novelisation changes the name of the planet to Ceres and makes it a forgotten human colony.

Funny bits: The fake distress call that dupes Scotty is from the SS Dierdre.

Trek Stars: Forever seen as a camp sixties icon, Julie 'Catwoman' Newmar is in fact excellent as Ele'en.

The Verdict: Pretty good, if a bit culturally imperialistic. Then again, it's hard to have much sympathy for the woman-hating Capellans. Kelley and Newmar have some real chemistry. The fight scenes are some of the best the series have to offer, and everything move along at a fair lick. Good fun, with an obvious but essential message about mother's rights.

CAPTAIN'S BLOG: TOS 2.9 - 2.10

2.09) Metamorphosis

or

Captain Kirk vs. Zephram Cochrane

The Mission: Get Federation commissioner Nancy Hedford to Epsilon Canarais 3 to prevent a war.

Planets visited: An iron-nickel planetoid in the Gamma Canaris region, rocky and with a purple sky. It is home to only the Companion and her human lodger, Zefram Cochrane.

Stellar Cartography: The region includes an asteroid field containing more than seven thousand bodies, 30 % of which have atmospheres of classes H to M.

Alien life forms: The Companion – an electrical life form, composed mostly of ionised hydrogen. It's a vague, cloudy blob, and looks a bit like the transporter effect. The Companion is female, although there is no evidence of the existence of any other members of its species. The Companion is inextricably linked to its planetoid, able to travel into space at warp speed but unable to leave permanently. She's been keeping Cochrane alive for decades, and has fallen in love with him. In the end, she merges with the dying Hedford, saving her life and giving Cochrane a human companion.

Captain James T: He's explicitly a soldier, but also a diplomat. He's a good deal more patient with Commissioner Hedford than we've seen him with previous bureaucrats, even though she's even more obnoxious than anyone we've met in her profession on the series. He's troubled by, but perfectly willing, to attack the Companion if it means he can get his people off the planet. He promises to keep Cochrane's location and identity secret.

Green-Blooded Hobgoblin: Supposedly doesn't understand love, but has observed it in other life forms. He's the one who works out the Companion's nature, and also devises ways to both attack it and communicate with it.

The Real McCoy: His bedside manner is the best we've ever seen it, perhaps because he knwos that, without getting back to the Enterprise, he has no way of curing Hedford of her terminal case of Sakura's disease. He's the first to realise that the Companion is in love with Cochrane.

Warp Pioneer: Zefram Cochrane, described as Cochrane of Alpha Centauri, invented warp drive around two hundred years ago. 150 years ago, aged eighty-seven, he decided he wanted to die in space. He flew towards the unexplored regions, where he was rescued by the Companion, who rejuvenated him. He's now bored out of his brain, and the Companion brings Kirk's shuttlecraft down so he has someone to play with. He knows what Vulcans are, but isn't all that comfortable with aliens, freaking out when he learns the Companion is in love with him.

Future Treknology: The universal translator works by analysing brainwave patterns. Certain concepts are universal to all intelligent life, and the UT compares the frequencies of the brainwaves associated with these to facilitate communication. Spock is able to adapt the shuttle's UT in order to communicate with the Companion. It gives her a female voice; supposedly, the concepts of male and female are also universal concepts, which is heteronormative crap.

The Verdict: Terribly dull. Glenn Corbett gives an incredibly wooden performance as Cochrane, a character who would be totally forgettable if it wasn't for his place in Star Trek's fictional history. Hedford is the most disagreeable of the series' many disagreeable officials. It's all incredibly heteronormative. This isn't suprising – it's a sixties US programme, we were never going to get much in the way of gender exploration – but it makes the whole thing really very trite and irrelevant.

CAPTAIN'S BLOG: TOS 2.7-2.8

2.7) Cat's Paw

or

The Star Trek Hallowe'en Special

The Mission: There's a curse on the Enterprise, or something.

Planet's visited: Pyris 7, a gloomy, mist-shrouded planet. It's a spooky blue-grey in the original version, and grey and clouded in the remastered. Korob and Sylvia hae set up their base there, in the form of a huanted castle.

Alien life forms: Korob and Sylvia appear to be human, but are, in fact, two aliens from a distant galaxy, who have been sent to the Milky Way on some sort of mission for “the Old Ones.” They come from “a world without sensation,” and the human form, with its touch and emotion, is alien to them. Korob seems out of his depth, but Sylvia has gone completely nuts. She also likes to turn into a cat, for some reason.

Their natural form is revealed to be small, almost birdlike chirping creatures covered with blue fluff, with tentacled heads. They appear to be mostly pipe-cleaner based. Unable to survive in our galaxy, they rapidly die and dissolve once returned to their own forms.

Alien Treknology: Korob and Sylvia use a device called a transmuter to control matter, create illusions, control their victims' thoughts and maintain their human forms.

Captain James T: Has no qualms with using Sylvia to get to his abducted crew. He similarly has no time for Korob's illusions. Kirk is unusually grim and humourless this episode (given all the death he's seen in recent episodes, this isn't surprising).

Green-Blooded Hobgoblin: He's never heard of Trick of Treat, and dislikes bad poetry. He spouts some arse about the illusory world being taken from “the twilgiht of consciousness” or something. (Sounds rather like the time the Doctor thought he was in the dark recesses of the human mind, when it was actually just a funfair, in the 1965 Doctor Who episode, “Journey Into Terror.”

The Real McCoy: Is easily the most rattled of the trio when it comes to the spooky surroundings. He has the misfortune of being zombified by Sylvia, as do Scott and Sulu.

Tsar of all the Russias: Clearly, this one was recorded early, judging by the state of Walter Koenig's wig. He doesn't like being thought of as green. He copes pretty well, all considered.

The Rank and File: While major characters often go AWOL for a week or two, James Doohan and George Takei appear here, but without any dialogue until Scott gets a line in the last scene. Even Crewman Jackson gets a line before he is unceremoniously killed by Sylvia. With the five highest ranking officers on the planet, Lt. DeSalle has the conn. What he doesn't have, as far as I can tell, is a personality. Uhura is on the bridge, though, so the full core crew is present for once.

Author, Author: You can tell this is a Robert Bloch episode when the baddies mention the Old Ones. There's often a shade of Lovecraft in Bloch's work.

Trek Stars: Theo Marcuse does his best with the filmsy character of Korob. The random close-ups of his boggling face do liven the episode up. Sadly, Marcuse was killed in a car crash only a month or so after this episode was first aired.

The Verdict: I had to watch this one twice, because I fell asleep the first time round. Basically a crap version of “The Squire of Gothos,” this is naff filler material. A Hallowe'en episode of Star Trek should really be a lot more fun that this. I liked the pipe-cleaner aliens though.

CAPTAIN'S BLOG: TOS 2.5-2.6

2.05) The Apple

or

Captain Kirk vs. Another Computer

The Mission: Investigate the unusual readings on an inhabited planet (there's a definite undertone suggesting that the Federation is looking at colonising it).

Planets visited: Gamma Trianguli 6, an incredibly lush planet with an impossibly steady temperature throughout. It has exploding rocks and flowers that short deadly poison darts with a funny 'boing!' noise.

Stellar Cartography: Gamma Trianguli is a young, hot star 112 light years from Earth, and is very unlikely to have any inhabitable planets. Maybe whoever built Vaal built the whole planet?

Captain James T: He tells Chekov off for flirting, the hypocrite. He is more upset than usual by Mallory's death, having known his father. We see an unusually self-recriminatory Kirk, balming himself for taking risks on the planet. Kirk destroys Vaal in order to let the Enterprise escape, returning the aliens to a natural way of life, and decides to take his chances with Starfleet after he breaks the Prime Directive. Then again, it's certainly an argument that four hundred crewmen outweigh a dozen natives.

Green-Blooded Hobgoblin: He steps in front of a killer plant to save Kirk, but fortunately, his blood is less affected by the poison. He walks slap-bang into Vaal's forcefield, and later gets zapped by lightning.. He is far more accepting of an alien way of life than Kirk or McCoy, pointing out that they are healthy and happy. He gets embarrassed talking about sex, which isn't very logical.

The Real McCoy: Naturally, he is opposed to Spock's view, and takes offense at a humanoid society being held as slaves, as he sees them, without any social progress.

Alien life forms: The Vaalians/People of Vaal: Standard superstitious savages, played by white guys blacked-up (well, oranged-up) in skimpy clothes and face paint. They worship Vaal as a god, which is pretty reasonable, as he controls their entire world. Sex is forbidden and their are no children, since Vaal keeps the people alive and young indefinitely.

Killer Computer: Vaal, a super-powerful machine housed beneath the surface, accessed via a dragon's head carved into the rock. It has access to formidable planetary defences, controlling the weather and affecting the Enterprise in orbit. It needs to eat, for some reason. Vaal is able to drain the antimatter pods of the Enterprise, and inhibits the transporters. (“We can't beam up a fly!” Probably a good thing, that, we know what happens when you teleport flies.)

Sexy Trek: Yeoman Landon is there purely to be Chekov's girl for the week, introducing sex back into the world of Vaal. Onlooking Vaalians are immediatley moved to start trying out the Earth thing called kissing.

Cliche Count: “He's dead, Jim!” All four male redshirts get killed. Akuta actually says “What is love?” Chekov comes out with another bit of pro-Russian absurdity, claiming that the Garden of Eden was located just outside of Moscow. (Nonsense, it was in Brentford.)

The Alternative Factor: Cupcake, the burly guard in the new Star Trek movies, is apparently the alternative universe version of Hendorff, the redshirt who gets killed by the killer flower at the beginning of the episode. 'The Redshirt's Tale' comic story is the alternative version of this story.

Space Bilge: DeForest Kelley can't pronounce Hendorff.

The Vedict: Passable fluff for the first fifteen minutes, but once Akuta shows up, it dips into dreary, mildly offensive “white man's burden” stuff. I'm with Spock on this one: these people were pefectly happy and weren't hurting anyone until Starfleet interfered. If the dozen or so of them are the only population on the planet, as it looks, they're not going to last long before inbreeding takes its toll.

2.06) The Doomsday Machine

or

Captain Kirk vs. Commodore Decker

The Mission: Stop a machine that is threatening all life in the galaxy.

Planets visited: None, for good reason: all but two planets in the sector have been destroyed by the Doomsday Machine.

Stellar Cartography: The Machine's path has taken it through star system's L-370 and L-374, and into the most populous region of the galaxy. Rigel, with a population in the many millions, is next in line.

Alien Treknology: The Doomsday Machine, or Planet Killer, is an ancient device of unknown origin, possibly from another galaxy. It's a gigantic robotic weapon, miles long, with an impenetrable hull of solid neutronium, and a huge, burning maw. It carves up planets with a beam of pure antiprotons, draws the rubble into its mouth and uses it for fuel; essentially, it eats planets.

Captain James T: Torn between his friendship and respect for Commodore Decker, and his realisation that the Commodore is clearly disturbed. He's practical enough to join in the repairs on the Constellation. He's also willing to take full authority for any insubordination against Decker in order to get his own ship out of harm's way.

Crazy Commodore: A respected officer of the fleet, Commodore Matthew Decker is the commander of the USS Constellation and Kirk's direct superior. He's never lost a ship before now. Faced with no way to fight the Planet Killer, he beamed his crew down to the third planet of L-374, ready to go down with his ship, only to listen helplessly as the planet was destroyed with his people on it. His guilt over this decision has broken him, leaving him with a suicidal vendetta against the Machine.

Green-Blooded Hobgoblin: He claims that Vulcans never bluff (a bit like they supposedly never lie). He's far more bound by regulations than either Kirk or Bones, but his loyalty to his captain – and Decker's evident psychological problems – convince him to take command.

The Real McCoy: Unsurprisingly, the least regulation-bound of the three core crew, but anable to support his claim that Decker should be removed from command on medical grounds since he has been unable to formally examine him. By now, it's looking clear that his sparring with Spock is a useful way for them both to let off some steam in stressful situations.

Cliche Count: “I'm a doctor, not a mechanic!” This is Trek's first go at a Moby Dick story, but far from its last. It's the second episode in a row involving an ancient alien robot of unknown origin (for all we know, the same people built both Vaal and the Planet Killer; after all, they're both destructive alien machines that need to eat).

Links: Matt Decker is the father of Will Decker, Kirk's scheduled replacement as captain of the Enterprise in The Motion Picture.

Remastery: This is one of the episodes that benefits the most from the remastering proess, making the devastation reaped by the Planet Killer all the more frightening and immediate.

The Alternative Factor: Other Doomsday Machines have turned up in the expanded universe media. Peter David's rather excellent TNG novel Vendetta suggests that they were created to fight the Borg. His follow-up, Before Dishonor, had the original machine taken out of mothballs to fight a Borg super-cube. A Star Trek: Voyager comic named 'Planet Killer' saw the ship fight another such machine in the Delta Quadrant, and Star Trek Online includes a storyline in which the Klingons attempt to use one against the Federation.

The Verdict: One of the very best episodes of Star Trek. While the franchise will do the Moby Dick thing several times again, this is one of the best uses of the vendetta storyline, and the most understandable. Both Shatner and William Windom, as Kirk and Decker, are excellent as increasingly desperate men in a hopeless situation. The fac tthat this is basically a bottle episode means that there is more beudget for a larger cast, making the Enteprise seem like a busy ship, throwig the ghost ship of the Constellation into sharper contrast. Decker's inevitable sacrifice is well-played and affecting, with only the padding of the transporter malfunction knocking the climax from perfection.