Thursday, 1 January 2026
2025 films of the year
Monday, 28 October 2024
Hallowe'en at Television Heaven
It's spooky season, so it's time to review some classic chillers (because the rest of the year I don't watch monsters and ghosts and things, not at all).
Pop along to Television Heaven for new reviews on the ingenious horror spoof Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, the most terrifying part of which is that it's somehow now twenty years old; the Frankensteinian hammy horror of 1970s Doctor Who serial The Brain of Morbius; and, the Hammer movie Quatermass and the Pit (aka Five Million Years to Earth), featuring perhaps the very best version of the good Professor.
Plus, Mark Turner-Box reviews the 1979 miniseries of Stephen King's Salem's Lot, while Malcolm Alexander examines the more recent horror series The Enfield Haunting.
Enjoy an array of Martians, monsters, vampires, ghosts, apemen and invasive broccoli.
Saturday, 6 May 2023
REVIEW: Renfield
(I'm not going to get to see many films in the old kinematic theatre this year, what with the baby and all, so when I do get to see one I'm going to try to review it, at least within the first month of seeing it.)
The first thing to say is that Renfield is trash. Absolute schlock, orgy of gore trash. It's basically a Troma film, but with a budget. It's absurd, over-the-top, and almost offensively gruesome. Pure gornography.
This is, of course, entirely the point. Had he been able to get away with it, you can bet Tod Browning would have made his Dracula more graphic. Not as graphic as this, obviously, but he pushed the envelope as much as he could in 1931. I'm still baffled by the ratings system these days; this is the goriest film I've seen in a while and it's only a 15 certificate. That's the nature of it, though. Although this is a sequel to the 1931 Dracula, it's also a horror film designed for the sensibilities of an audience watching almost a century later. Plus, it's an outright comedy (unlike the 1931 film, which, although inarguably a hugely important production in cinema history, was often inadvertently laughable). The gore and violence reach levels that are so utterly over-the-top that they become cartoonishly ridiculous.
The two Nicks, Hoult and Cage, are perfectly cast as Renfield and Dracula respectively. Explicitly the same versions of the characters played by Dwight Frye and Bela Lugosi in 1931, thanks to some beautifully reacreated and digitally altered scenes from the original, they don't play them in the same way. After all, this would be hard to make work in 2023. Hoult has the harder job, making the insane Renfield of the original a three-dimensional character who we can believe as a hero, and he does an excellent job. It's Cage who steals the show, as he always does, with a performance that I can best describe as Nic Cage playing Mike Myers playing Bela Lugosi playing Dracula. He's a perfect balance of true horror and uninhibited camp.
Awkwafina is great as Rebecca, the one honest cop in New Orleans. (This film is savagely anti-cop; the entire NOPD/PDNO is corrupt except her, working for the mob. Apparently, it really is one of the worst police forces in America, which is saying something.) She plays the same character she generally plays, but that makes for a great foil for the uptight, Victorian Renfield. There's a pseudo-romantic storyline there as well, which doesn't really come off. They don't have the right chemistry. The odd couple crime-fighting partnership angle works better.
Having Dracula team up with the most brutal crime family in New Orleans is a weird idea that works remarkably well, largely thanks to the classy performance of Shohreh Aghdashloo as the family's terrifying matriarch, someone who can genuinely stand up to the Count as an equal. They both have their stooges, with Ben "Jean-Ralphio" Schwartz giving a great turn as her perpetually out-of-depth son Tedward.
The surprising part is how well the heavily-trailed angle of the support group works. Positioning Renfield's servitude to Dracula as an abusive relationship with an uneven power dynamic. The support group scenes are some of the funniest and most affecting of the film, with some great performances by Brandon Scott Jones (as the group leader) and the underutilised Jenna Kanell and Bess Rous. Renfield's taking ownership of his life is the spine of the film, and is the smartest element of what is, ultimately, a very stupid rip-em-up.
I disagree with critics who are calling this a one-joke film. It's at least a three-joke film, but it's true that it would wear thin at full length, which is presumably why it clocks in at a, for today, very short runtime of 93 minutes. Having repeatedly attempted to launch a Monsterverse of movies, Universal have finally allowed writers and directors to do their own thing with their properties. Renfield is a very modern take on Dracula, but still works as part of the same universe as the monochrome oldie. It works as its own thing while also celebrating the long and storied past of these characters, which is exactly the approach this studio should be taking.
Sunday, 7 November 2021
Spooky Season
This October and into early November I cranked up the spookiness and wrote a bunch of reviews and a little fiction to celebrate Hallowe'en and the drawing in of the winter nights.
I've submitted a new, very short story to Vocal's Foggy Waters competition. You can read "Ginny" here. I also reposted my old story "Don't Drink the Water" as part of the contest since it coincidentally fit the criteria.
Review-wise, I've written a bunch of new pieces for Television Heaven. As well as my regular installment of The X-Files (now onto the underrated eighth season) I've got Nigel Kneale's Beasts, What We Do in the Shadows (already a little out-of-date since season three has just been released in the UK) and children's classic The Trap Door. Plus we have two vampiric 1980s Doctor Who serials, State of Decay and The Curse of Fenric.
Please go an check them out, and I hope you enjoy. Spooky season isn't over, of course, as the new Ghostbusters film is out very soon and this has led to a surge in psychokinetic activity, so look out for more 'busters stuff soon too. Plus more Buffy, Doctor Who and a little bit of Trek.
Monday, 18 January 2021
WHO REVIEW: All Flesh is Grass (Time Lord Victorious)
In the the cliffhanging final scene of The Knight, the Fool and the Dead, the Tenth Doctor, beginning his crusade against the Kotturuh and death itself, is confronted by the Eighth Doctor on a Dalek warship, and the Ninth Doctor on a vampire coffin-ship. This ties in with the DWM comic strip and with the Big Finish audios, the latter of which I haven't got round to yet, but it's all easily pieced together with the brief exposition from the Eighth Doctor and Brian the Ood. You could enjoy this plenty as a prose-only event, but grabbing the other formats builds a bigger picture. I'm less clear from the story here how the Tenth Doctor comics and the Dalek cartoon fit in, but I think they're knock-on effects of the Tenth Doctor's disastrous alteration of history here, which has brought his earlier selves back to fight him.
Una McCormack is one of the most prolific modern Who writers. With this novel, she's written for eight incarnations of the Doctor, I think (plus a ton of Star Trek novels and some Blake's 7 material). She gets the Doctor down to a tee, notably the differences and similarities between his incarnations. It's fun having Eight, Nine and Ten together since, while being successive (well, almost) they have wildly different ways of approaching things. The Eighth Doctor here is still fundamentally optimistic but sarcastic as hell, the Ninth Doctor is tending his war wounds and the Tenth is so fundamentally full of himself he knows he's his own worst enemy. I mean, he's literally his own worst enemy in this one, but you know what I'm saying. Yet they also work so brilliantly together. It isn't long before Ten stands down and the three Doctors try to work out a way to get out of this mess without making things worse (and just possibly making things better), and they work tremendously well as a team.
There's a lot of colour in this novel. The Ninth Doctor gets a short-term companion in the form of Ikalla, a vampiress who develops considerably throughout the novel (or perhaps the Doctor just learns to see her differently). Eight doesn't have a companion really, but is accompanied for a good portion by Brian, and also Hector, a spider plant (so that's where he came from! Monstrus Beauty now makes perfect sense). He has some great interplay with the Daleks, particularly the Prime Strategist who's become such a persistent character in Time Lord Victorious. Ten saddles himself with some galactic mercenaries but can't help feeling sorry for them and overpaying. It's like he's trying to prove he's the big bad God of Time but can't help feeling a bit bad about it all the time.
It's a rattling good read, anyway. I mean, it's got a vampire Dalek in it. How can you not love that?
Placement:
For the Eighth Doctor, uncertain. It's straight after the BF Time Lord Victorious audios, but while they and this show him in his Time War costume, he reads as much younger and more positive here. He's perturbed by the idea of a universe without Gallifrey, but not distraught, so this is surely before the first destruction of Gallifrey in The Ancestor Cell (most new series books would ignore this but given the cross-pollination of ranges going on here I can't believe McCormack didn't at least consider this). I could happily see this placed during the earlier EDAs, especially as he mentions Romana and K9, tying back to the Shada webcast, which is very early on.
For the Ninth Doctor, in between the penultimate and closing scenes of the DWM comic strip Monstrous Beauty, while Rose is recovering. Some time between "The Long Game" and "The Empty Child," most likely (could be either side of "Father's Day").
For the Tenth Doctor, immediately after The Knight, the Fool and the Dead, itself immediately after "The Waters of Mars."






